The hole he has dug into my heart widens and deepens each day with sorrow and animosity.
I cannot fathom the cruelty he possesses.
I'm silently crying in my own shame, the shame of knowing this would happen when I chose to marry someone who never loved me and never could.
This hole can never be repaired.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
New start?
Today I try to begin anew. After having my car burglarized on Dec 30, finding out he took the comprehensive insurance off my car when I called to file my claim, then my kid's scooter being stolen off my porch, it's time for change.
In 2011 I came to terms with many things. I decided to be honest with myself about myself. I said goodbye to someone I cared a great deal for. I lost a friend. I went back and forth in a marriage headed for disaster. So yeah, I have reasons to move forward.
The thing about me is that I've always been unreasonably "dreamy". I've been told many times by many people that I am not realistic. Well, that's okay for me. I like dreaming, wishing and hoping for the best. I enjoy thinking of what I'll do first when I get to Italy, at long last!
I think the biggest lesson I learned over the past year is that I can only count on ME. It's sad to say it aloud, but it's the truth. Perhaps there are women out there who can get whatever they want from a man. There are women who are spoiled and protected by men. There are people in the world who DO get what they want, desire, need. I just don't happen to be one of them right now. And as much as I am sad about this right now, I also know that someday, one day, I'll have what I want. I'll have a person next to me who WANTS to be there. I'm not known for my patience, but I will wait, knowing that eventually the things I truly want and need will come to me.
So today I am trying to be kinder, softer, more patient. I'm trying to be calmer, I'm trying to think before speaking. I'm really going to put in the effort to better myself.
I'm a bit excited and a lot scared.
In 2011 I came to terms with many things. I decided to be honest with myself about myself. I said goodbye to someone I cared a great deal for. I lost a friend. I went back and forth in a marriage headed for disaster. So yeah, I have reasons to move forward.
The thing about me is that I've always been unreasonably "dreamy". I've been told many times by many people that I am not realistic. Well, that's okay for me. I like dreaming, wishing and hoping for the best. I enjoy thinking of what I'll do first when I get to Italy, at long last!
I think the biggest lesson I learned over the past year is that I can only count on ME. It's sad to say it aloud, but it's the truth. Perhaps there are women out there who can get whatever they want from a man. There are women who are spoiled and protected by men. There are people in the world who DO get what they want, desire, need. I just don't happen to be one of them right now. And as much as I am sad about this right now, I also know that someday, one day, I'll have what I want. I'll have a person next to me who WANTS to be there. I'm not known for my patience, but I will wait, knowing that eventually the things I truly want and need will come to me.
So today I am trying to be kinder, softer, more patient. I'm trying to be calmer, I'm trying to think before speaking. I'm really going to put in the effort to better myself.
I'm a bit excited and a lot scared.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)